Cancer and Family Support

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The doctor informed Soma about her disease and Soma was visibly not so upset. He also told us to look after her well so that she didn’t become mentally weak. So we took maximum care to help her mentally.

I had a very cordial relation with Soma. Her love for me was always exceptional. All she wanted to know that whether I still loved her. Once she became sanguine about my unconditional love for her, she became more determined to fight against cancer.

But she was silently always watchful about the huge expenses that my family had to bear. But at that time, I failed to notice this.

She had a wonderful relation with her mom in law (MIL). My mother, (her MIL), was just like her own mother. Her relationship with my mother was affable and never riddled with even minor controversies. It wasn’t like a typical daughter in law and MIL relation. Both loved each other.

My mom couldn’t accept the reality that Soma wouldn’t live for a long. My mother visited all the temples and did whatever she could do to cure Soma. She always encouraged Soma.

Looking at Soma’s frail body and her increasing pain, my mom sensed the worst and became sick. My mom never recovered again. She died one day prior to death of Soma. I, somehow, believe that they were inseparable souls.

My other family members were also very much supportive. Everyone was very much fond of Soma. No one ever complained about her sickness.

My other family members were so concerned about her health that they always ensured she receive the best treatment at the best hospital.

Cancer Treatment is really very costly. I didn’t have so much money to support huge hospital bills. One of my uncles paid all the hospital bills gladly and also kept on sending me money to ensure that other post treatment related expenses were never neglected.

We together enjoyed quality time. She liked to see TV programs but I affectionately convinced her to avoid movies because of violence and she agreed. We used to enjoy programs on music. Our lives were tough but we worked hard to make it joyous as much as possible.

She decided to start her own business after the completion of her treatment. She could draw on cloths. Soon her designs became very popular. She was happy as she was earning a good profit from her business.

Overall she apparently had a very good environment. We tried our level best to provide her the best moral support. But that wasn’t sufficient.

Being a common man, I overlooked certain things. A specialist could detect her twisted thoughts.

Even, I think, if I would encourage her to write descriptive articles, it would help a lot to understand the under current flowing down her mind. That mistake proved to be very costly in the long run.

Cancer and female patients

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Cancer comes in a middle class family to ruin the whole family. Cancer not only badly affects the psychology of the patients, but also it creates a lot of other problems in the family.

In countries like India, female cancer patients often undergo tremendous mental torture. Even in some cases, these females are disowned by their in laws.

These middle class females are the most helpless if they become sick. When they need compassion, affection and moral support, in most of the cases, they get just the opposite.

Even if these females aren’t mentally tortured, they face indifference from their in laws. So, very few female patients are lucky to get positive moral support from the family members.

In other cases, families fail to understand the importance of a positive and cordial environment necessary for the sake of the patients. They often tend to fight over petty issues before the patient and never mind to view violence filled movies. Such chaotic situations create mental irritation.

In most of the cases, the educated middle class female patients aren’t treated according to their newly developed sensitivities. Their present mental condition, in most of the cases, are overlooked even by a compassionate and supportive familiy.

That’s why it is always advisable to consult a psychologist just when the treatment started. Psychologist can certainly improve the situation and help the patient a lot to develop a positive mental frame despite odds.

Cancer - Psychological Blow

Cancer patients suffer from huge trauma which is detrimental to their health. Often, they themselves fail to realize that they under huge mental stress.

Cancer, when for the first time is diagnosed, gives a huge mental blow. The patient needs to absorb that shock which is often very difficult. They feel suffocated in the mental cave filled with the feelings of frustration and death. The family members initially overlook this condition as they are also shocked and busy to quickly arrange the treatment facilities for the patient.

The initial period plays an important role in deciding the mindset of the patient. If they are mentally broken, it’s hard to prolong the life. A strong desire to survive is essential.

My wife, Soma was initially too shocked to react. Moreover, it was very difficult to read her mind. She was emotional and sensitive. So when she realized that most of her dreams were not to be fulfilled because of this disease, she created a shell around her. Initially we were able to break that shell, but today I realize that we broke it only partially.

She wanted to fight all out against the disease. She cooperated with the doctors. But somewhere deep in her heart, may be, she knew that she was living on a cliff.

Further she was well aware of the fact that for her treatment we had to part away with a huge amount of money. She decided to start her own business. We encouraged her because we thought that would keep her busy with her works and she would be able to overcome the initial trauma.

But she had other plans in her mind. She worked very hard but only to cover up the cost. She, being a housewife of a middle class family, was also severely affected due to financial burden put on us for her treatment. She, in her mind, felt guilty but never expressed it.

That’s where the importance of a psychologist comes into picture. I didn’t realize it at that time. So I request all the cancer victims to regularly visit a psychologist. It’s very important.

Another important thing is to let them write elaborately about their feelings.

If we would know this technique, we would be able to correctly understand Soma. Because elaborate writings help to slowly expose the hidden fear or frustration. A psychologist will be able to easily note down and take appropriate actions.

A strong mind helps to combat cancer in a better way. So never ignore the mental health of a cancer patient. Take the maximum care of patient’s mental health with the help of a psychologist.

A simple Lady

Soma was a nice lady. She was only 39 years. She completed her M.A. from the Calcutta University and learned Rabindra Sangeet and Najrul Geeti. In both the categories, she got trained for more than 10 years. Interestingly she started singing when she was a toddler. She got training in painting too. Above all she was sincere and lovely and learned to smile even under worst circumstances.

She was diagnosed as a breast cancer patient in Nov 2001. She got married to me in March 2001, after a courtship of 5 years. And on 21st Nov, She, for the 1st time in her life, surrenderred to CANCER................................ !!!!

She fought against this disease with a courage. I decided to spread that courage to those patients and families who are fighting against cancer. I alongwith my relatives decided to set up a NGO to spread awareness among the cancer patients.

In this 1st blog, all I want to mention is that PRANAYAM really helps, at least, to make the life of a cancer patient, better.

In next blog, I'll discuss more about the functioning of our NGO and Pranayam.