Cancer and Family Support

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The doctor informed Soma about her disease and Soma was visibly not so upset. He also told us to look after her well so that she didn’t become mentally weak. So we took maximum care to help her mentally.

I had a very cordial relation with Soma. Her love for me was always exceptional. All she wanted to know that whether I still loved her. Once she became sanguine about my unconditional love for her, she became more determined to fight against cancer.

But she was silently always watchful about the huge expenses that my family had to bear. But at that time, I failed to notice this.

She had a wonderful relation with her mom in law (MIL). My mother, (her MIL), was just like her own mother. Her relationship with my mother was affable and never riddled with even minor controversies. It wasn’t like a typical daughter in law and MIL relation. Both loved each other.

My mom couldn’t accept the reality that Soma wouldn’t live for a long. My mother visited all the temples and did whatever she could do to cure Soma. She always encouraged Soma.

Looking at Soma’s frail body and her increasing pain, my mom sensed the worst and became sick. My mom never recovered again. She died one day prior to death of Soma. I, somehow, believe that they were inseparable souls.

My other family members were also very much supportive. Everyone was very much fond of Soma. No one ever complained about her sickness.

My other family members were so concerned about her health that they always ensured she receive the best treatment at the best hospital.

Cancer Treatment is really very costly. I didn’t have so much money to support huge hospital bills. One of my uncles paid all the hospital bills gladly and also kept on sending me money to ensure that other post treatment related expenses were never neglected.

We together enjoyed quality time. She liked to see TV programs but I affectionately convinced her to avoid movies because of violence and she agreed. We used to enjoy programs on music. Our lives were tough but we worked hard to make it joyous as much as possible.

She decided to start her own business after the completion of her treatment. She could draw on cloths. Soon her designs became very popular. She was happy as she was earning a good profit from her business.

Overall she apparently had a very good environment. We tried our level best to provide her the best moral support. But that wasn’t sufficient.

Being a common man, I overlooked certain things. A specialist could detect her twisted thoughts.

Even, I think, if I would encourage her to write descriptive articles, it would help a lot to understand the under current flowing down her mind. That mistake proved to be very costly in the long run.

Cancer - Psychological Blow

Cancer patients suffer from huge trauma which is detrimental to their health. Often, they themselves fail to realize that they under huge mental stress.

Cancer, when for the first time is diagnosed, gives a huge mental blow. The patient needs to absorb that shock which is often very difficult. They feel suffocated in the mental cave filled with the feelings of frustration and death. The family members initially overlook this condition as they are also shocked and busy to quickly arrange the treatment facilities for the patient.

The initial period plays an important role in deciding the mindset of the patient. If they are mentally broken, it’s hard to prolong the life. A strong desire to survive is essential.

My wife, Soma was initially too shocked to react. Moreover, it was very difficult to read her mind. She was emotional and sensitive. So when she realized that most of her dreams were not to be fulfilled because of this disease, she created a shell around her. Initially we were able to break that shell, but today I realize that we broke it only partially.

She wanted to fight all out against the disease. She cooperated with the doctors. But somewhere deep in her heart, may be, she knew that she was living on a cliff.

Further she was well aware of the fact that for her treatment we had to part away with a huge amount of money. She decided to start her own business. We encouraged her because we thought that would keep her busy with her works and she would be able to overcome the initial trauma.

But she had other plans in her mind. She worked very hard but only to cover up the cost. She, being a housewife of a middle class family, was also severely affected due to financial burden put on us for her treatment. She, in her mind, felt guilty but never expressed it.

That’s where the importance of a psychologist comes into picture. I didn’t realize it at that time. So I request all the cancer victims to regularly visit a psychologist. It’s very important.

Another important thing is to let them write elaborately about their feelings.

If we would know this technique, we would be able to correctly understand Soma. Because elaborate writings help to slowly expose the hidden fear or frustration. A psychologist will be able to easily note down and take appropriate actions.

A strong mind helps to combat cancer in a better way. So never ignore the mental health of a cancer patient. Take the maximum care of patient’s mental health with the help of a psychologist.

Should middle class families exist or extinct ?!!!

In India, may be in other countries too, several non profit organizations (NGOs) and few Govt agencies play a key role to provide treatment facilities to poor people at a subsidized rate. That’s really a good effort.

But who does think about the middle class families. No non-profit agencies provide monetary help to middle class families. The middle class families fall in the zone of having too much money to qualify to be a beneficiary and yet not enough money to afford the high cost of the treatment.

My wife, Soma was under treatment for 6 years. I didn’t have sufficient money to continue her costly treatment for such a long time. One of my maternal uncles came up and took the responsibility of her treatment.

But I know most of the middle class families are not so lucky like me. They drain out their savings, sell their properties and then go for private loans where rate of interest is around 2-3% per month, yes per month. Ultimately they lose everything.

Helplessly, after a certain stage, a middle class family members witness their loved one to die without any treatment because they’ve no more money to treat the patient but still that ‘middle class’ tag is there with them, so let the patient die, no NGOs will come up to help the family.

I have contacted more than 100 reputed NGOs all over India and all refused to help me although I detailed to them about my situation. Politely they informed me that Soma didn’t qualify.

Qualify for what? It seemed to me they wanted to tell me that Soma didn’t qualify to receive further treatment and hence to survive as She belonged to a middle class family. What a wonderful system.

Sometimes, when Soma’s doctors were talking about the cost, I was cursing myself to born in a middle class family. Soma felt so much guilty for all the financial pressure put on us due to her treatment that sometimes she couldn’t look at my eyes. I tried my level best to hide the tension, but she could easily understand the palpable tension.

It seemed to me that society didn’t bother at all if middle class families exist or extinct.

Everyday, Doctors and cancer hospital authorities are earning huge amount of money. If they come forward together and donate an amount, it would considerably help the middle class families.

Ironically such method benefits exist and are enjoyed by selected wealthy and influencial persons who don’t need any such benefits.

Let the good senses prevail in minds of the persons running the Govt and NGOs and find time to think about the plight of the middle class family and make some provisions to help needy patients of so called middle class families.